Three years have passed since I first sat in meditation and kept on sitting, daily. Time is truly a surreal concept; I don't feel like it has been three years. I feel like it was yesterday that I first sat because I just needed to pause for a moment. I have now realised that the last three years have been a long time out so that I could look within and sort some things out internally. I couldn't go anywhere, as in packing up my bags and pick a new country to move to so I had to surrender and be here, now. I didn't know that then though and it took a lot of struggling and resistance before I finally let myself live this period of my life (mind)fully.
I was so resentful of mum's illness and the fact that I am responsible for another human being now. I really wanted out of the situation at first, while I also truly wanted to be there for mum and help and support her. What a burdening paradox. I am very grateful for everything that has happened in the last three years because, without it, I'm not sure I would be where I am right now: in a much calmer state of mind and free of thought patterns and behaviours which were not serving nor supporting my well-being.